CLUTCH YOUR PEARLS
By Magazine Chic Simone — Publisher and Editor in Chief, Winners Circle Magazine
Some of us were taught that being a good person means always being available.
Answer the phone. Respond to the text. Show up when called. Give another chance. Explain yourself one more time. Keep the door open because “that’s what Christians do.”
Clutch your pearls, because I’m going to say it:
Everybody does not deserve unlimited access to you.
There is a difference between loving people and giving people unrestricted access to your life.
Even Jesus had boundaries.
He ministered to crowds, but He did not give the crowds the same access He gave His disciples. Even among the twelve, Peter, James, and John were present for moments that others were not. Jesus loved people deeply, yet He also withdrew to pray, walked away from certain confrontations, and refused to allow the expectations of people to control His assignment.
That should teach us something.
Access Is Not the Same as Love
Sometimes we keep people close because we are afraid that creating distance will make us look unforgiving, difficult, or unloving.
But forgiveness does not automatically restore access.
You can forgive someone and recognize that the relationship cannot return to what it was. You can pray for someone without allowing them to continually disrupt your peace. You can love someone and still acknowledge that their behavior has demonstrated that they cannot responsibly handle close access to you.
That is not bitterness.
That is wisdom.
Proverbs 4:23 tells us, “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”
Guarding your heart is not building a wall around yourself so nobody can enter. It is becoming intentional about what—and who—you allow to continually influence what is happening inside of you.
Stop Giving VIP Access to People Who Keep Mishandling General Admission
Some relationships survive because one person keeps making exceptions.
You overlook the disrespect.
You excuse the inconsistency.
You accept apologies without changed behavior.
You keep reopening doors that experience already taught you to close.
Then you wonder why you are emotionally exhausted.
At some point, we have to stop calling repeated dysfunction “grace.”
Grace does not require the absence of wisdom.
There are people who may belong in your life but no longer belong in your inner circle. There are people you can support from a distance. There are relationships that require new boundaries if they are going to continue at all.
And yes, sometimes there are relationships that simply need to end.
Boundaries Can Be Biblical and Loving
A boundary says:
I can love you without losing myself.
I can forgive you without pretending nothing happened.
I can wish you well without giving you the same access you once had.
I can be a Christian and still say no.
And perhaps this is the biggest pearl-clutching moment of all:
You do not have to become available simply because someone has become accustomed to having access to you.
As you grow, your boundaries may need to grow too.
Not because you think you are better than anyone.
Because you finally understand that your peace, purpose, time, emotional health, family, and assignment require stewardship.
So before you reopen another door simply because someone knocked, ask yourself:
Have they demonstrated that they can properly handle the access I’m about to give them?
Sometimes the most loving answer is yes.
Sometimes the wisest answer is no.
And sometimes the answer is:
You can love me from the lobby.
Now clutch your pearls.